to my big brother who is strugging

I’ve looked up to you my entire life. The copying you and feigning for your attention started even before it was a conscious effort. Our home videos prove it.

I’ve watched you grow into an incredibly successful and hardworking man, and I couldn’t be more proud.

I love when people ask me about my big brother because I can go on and on.

You’re motivated, you’re smart and you’re creative. Your personality commands attention, and you’re a natural performer.

Everyone you know adores you and more importantly, respects you. You’ve always been an example of the kind of person, friend, and leader that I want to be.

But only those closest to you know that under that confident façade is a whole lot of self-doubt. And like me, you’re by far your harshest critic.

For so long everything was going right for you. I’m not saying you’ve never had setbacks. Or heartache. Or struggles. But everyone would agree that overall, life’s been good.

Until it wasn’t. Suddenly, things fell in and out of place in a way that you would have done anything to avoid. And now find yourself, for the first time in your adult life, lost.

You never want to talk about you’re doing. When you call to check in on me you deflect my questions when I turn the topic to you.

You play it off like everything is fine, but I know that you don’t want me to see you as weak. To know that you’re hurting. To be disappointed in you.

But you’re wrong. I’ve never been more proud of you.

You’re getting through one day at a time, despite not knowing what’s around the corner. You’re leaning on friends and family, and taking advantage of your incredible support network. You’re refusing to give up on yourself, even though I know you’ve considered it.

I used to get offended that you still introduce me as your baby sister, even though we’re adults. But now I get it. We may be older, but you’ll always want to protect me. To help me succeed in this world. Because that’s your job as my brother.

Well my job is to look up to you. To remind you constantly that I’m behind you. And what you don’t realize is that nothing you could ever do would make me see you as anything less than how I’ve always seen you.

I know you’ll get through this rough patch and figure out what’s next. Just know that whatever that is, I’ll be right here, cheering you on.


Your baby sister

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