Whether you want to admit it or not, we all have deal breakers.
Someone eventually brings them up in the getting to know each other phase, and while it’s usually done with a casual comment, we can’t deny that we’re suddenly on the edge of our seats wondering if we’ll have to bolt for the door.
Some deal breakers have always been important to us, but others come about because we’ve been burned and now know what to avoid. Either way, they are not to be taken lightly.
Call them too specific, or maybe even unrealistic, but I won’t apologize for mine.
This sounds like a no-brainer since most people value honesty, but I’m talking about the subtle things. The daily lies you tell because you can’t be your true self with someone else.
I’m not your keeper, but if you feel the need to edit where you were, who was there or what you did, I can promise you we won’t develop any type of trust.
Infidelity is a golden rule to most people but it still needs to be said. I get it, humans are sexual creatures and are naturally drawn to other people. But if you’re not satisfied with just me, do us a both a favor and don’t pretend you are.
3. Emotional Manipulation
If you want to make me feel bad about myself so that I rely on you, or isolate me from my friends so that I rely on you, or make me think you’re the only one who will want me so that I rely on you, don’t bother. Been there, done that and I’m never again letting someone else determine my self worth.
I don’t care if you think that’s shallow. You’re entitled to destroying your lungs just like I’m entitled to want nothing to do with it.
5. Making Demands
This goes with emotional manipulation. I will always value the opinion of the person I’m with.
However, that doesn’t mean you have a say in where I go, what I do, what I wear, and who I’m with. If you want a puppet it won’t be me.
There are lots of things in life that we have absolutely no control over.
That’s a hard reality, but if you think you can stick to a plan 100% of the time, and are completely unadaptable and inflexible when things don’t go your way, we won’t work.
7. Conflict Avoidant
Excuse the double negative, but healthy couples don’t not fight. What sets them apart is that they know how to communicate through challenges, instead of just sweeping issues under the rug. If you’re unwilling to acknowledge conflict and would rather pretend it doesn’t exist, it will only bubble up until it explodes. No thanks.
Contrary to some, I don’t want to be dependent on you. Codependent couples can’t function without each other, and that means there is almost always a power imbalance. Instead, I want interdependency, which requires two people capable of autonomy. They use their individual strengths as the backbone of their relationship as a couple. I don’t want someone I CAN’T live without, just someone who I don’t want to live without.